Just as the dust from the move is starting to settle, your kids and partner have already adapted to new routines. It's at this point that you may find yourself asking, "What now?" While the trailing spouse syndrome is not a formally diagnosable condition, many accompanying family members experience feelings of being overwhelmed and low mood not only during the initial settling-in period but also afterwards.
Embarking on an international career opportunity overseas, whether for a short-term assignment or a permanent move, can be an exhilarating prospect that offers many positive experiences. Unfortunately, the potential challenges that come with such a life change are often overlooked.
Difficulties commonly encountered
The media often portrays an expat dependant as a woman with challenges such as; being financially reliant and lacking life goals. However, the reality is much more complex. This demographic often includes highly educated individuals, both men and women, as well as same-sex partners, who have significant work experience. Many have sacrificed their own careers to accompany their partners and families abroad. Challenges commonly encountered include difficulties in having their professional qualifications recognised, language barriers, and obstacles in obtaining work permits.
This situation can make you feel vulnerable. Simmering feelings such as loneliness, isolation, bitterness, loss of identity, low self-esteem and depression can bubble up to the surface and take hold. These challenges are typically caused by difficulties adapting to a new culture, being distanced from your social support and a lack of professional fulfilment. However, the establishment period in your new home can also represent a possibility to pause in life and question if you’re living in line with your personal values.
Community can help you as a dependant overcome expat challenges
Many individuals find it challenging to cope with the lack of a strong social support system in a foreign country. Establishing new relationships can be a time-consuming and difficult process. Keep in mind that numerous individuals in your new country are facing similar challenges. Foster new friendships by maintaining an open mind. Revealing your vulnerable side is completely acceptable and can help cultivate a deeper bond.
"Identify what you used to love doing earlier on in life"
Explore whether the new country offers similar hobbies or new activities that you have always been interested in trying out. This could include physical activities like hiking, yoga, dancing, or creative pursuits such as photography, cooking, or handicrafts. Consider joining local or international social networks like Internations, Facebook groups, volunteering organizations, or trying out friendship apps like Bumble BFF, Hey!, VINA, or Meetup.
Clarify your values and find purpose
Put some time aside to carefully consider and define what you ideally would like to get out of your new life situation. Avoid over identifying with your previous title or work role. We are so much more than our professional labels. Determine the core values that are important to you at this point in your life. How do you wish to be remembered by others? Establish achievable goals, milestones and a realistic timeline. Perhaps this period of time is the perfect opportunity to do something you never had time to engage in previously, e.g. write a book, start your own company, study, spend time with the children, start a new exciting project or simply taking a break.
Open up and seek assistance
Many dependants feel they ”should” be happy because they have been provided with an opportunity to experience living abroad. They might push away unpleasant feelings and shoulder on despite difficulties. Sometimes this can lead to behaviours that make the situation worse. If you feel down, consider confiding in trusted individuals, such as your partner, friends or seek confidential assistance from a mental health professional.
To conclude, consider lowering the bar on the demands and ideals set by you and your surroundings. Take time to pause, reflect, and live more in line with what is really important to you. Focus on building and maintaining a supportive community around you. Through creating new exciting experiences, establishing friendships and finding purpose you can make the most of your time abroad. Remember that it’s ok to not feel ok. If necessary, please don't hesitate to reach out for assistance.
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