Are you feeling completely overwhelmed as the year comes to an end? Buried in housework, searching for and purchasing the "perfect" gifts, financial pressure, the hurry to finish work before the holiday, family tensions, and the overload of festive social events can all be incredibly stressful.
Individuals living alone or mourning the loss of a loved one might find the festive season especially difficult. Here are some strategies to help make this period smoother.
Set realistic expectations
Avoid comparisons of what Christmas “should” look like. Aim for “good enough”. Remember that you can’t please everyone. Find out the key things the people you are celebrating with (including yourself), would like to get out of the break.
Perhaps you wish to tweak the traditions? Maybe you could shop online, send virtual Christmas cards, reduce gift buying through Secret Santa, not visit every relative, etc. Identify what’s truly important to you. Reach an agreement and stick with it.
Share the workload
Make peace with the people-pleasing side of you and perhaps the perfectionist, that feels you must handle everything yourself and make everything from scratch.
Suggest guests to bring dishes, set the table, help with the washing up, or get the grandparents to look after and spend quality time with the kids, so you can also enjoy a break.
Set healthy boundaries
View boundaries as healthy rules to navigate relationships in your life. Ask yourself these questions;
1. What do I need? What is really important to me?
2. Give yourself permission to say no without over explaining, debating or defending your position.
3. However, don’t be too rigid around your set boundary. Invite some flexibility through keeping what’s important to you at the front of your mind.
4. Use assertive communication techniques such as “I” statements;
“ I feel …(emotion word) when… (explanation)”.
In your explanation, gently describe how the other person’s actions affect you. See example:
”You can’t keep coming home so late! It’s so inconsiderate”, use the “I” statement: “I feel worried when you come home late. I can’t even sleep.”
5. Careful wording won’t help if your voice sounds blaming. Use a soft and even tone.
6. Set consequences so the boundaries are clearly defined and people understand their importance. It can be done as simply as leaving the situation or ending the conversation.
Remember, practise makes perfect. Identify who you find it easier to be assertive with, e.g. a friend, stranger, acquaintances, etc and build up your skills before attempting asserting yourself in more challenging situations.
Avoid the triggers
A lack of family time in general can add to the stress of Christmas. The need to make this precious time with loved ones "perfect". In every family, there are sensitive issues that can escalate into full-blown conflicts (especially when alcohol is involved).
If there are children around, try to put your adult conflicts to the side, avoiding the “no-go zones”, as this is not the right time to deal with it.
Manage strong feelings
If it all still gets too intense, try to remove yourself from the situation to calm down and think things through, before you act.
If you cannot change the situation, use distraction to manage powerful emotions, e.g. count to ten in your head, listen to some music, call a friend or do some housework.
Alternatively, use humour to help you take a step back from your anger, e.g. if you refer to someone as a racist or dictator, imagine the person dressed up as President Trump, Hitler, etc. this somewhat silly technique can assist in keeping things in perspective.
Lastly, you can influence your emotional state through changing your physical state, e.g. through doing some deep breathing to settle heightened cortisol levels or progressively tensing and relaxing each of your muscle groups.
Engage in attentive conversations
Instead of just reacting to disagreements, try to imagine yourself in the other person’s shoes and really listen to where they are coming from. Try to get underneath their views and opinions. Genuinely listening to someone can build strong connections.
If you have reached your limits, it is important to keep your integrity through speaking up. Try not to degrade the other person or label them, but keep to simply stating your own point of view in an assertive way using the above “I“ statement technique.
Reach out to remove stress this Christmas
Christmas can be a difficult time to get through especially so if you recently experienced bereavement or are spending it on your own. Try not to isolate yourself, reach out to family and friends over email, social media, phone, etc.
Get active; there are plenty of charities and churches in different locations that offer Christmas gatherings, markets, carol singing, etc.
If you need to speak to someone confidentially there are many charities in Norway offering free assistance, e.g. Kirkens SOS phoneline: 22 40 00 40 or Mental Helse’s phoneline 116 123 or chat on their website.
Experience a more calm Christmas through focussing on what is truly important to you and your family. So you can start the new year feeling more relaxed and energised.
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